I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
