Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
