If that was your dad, he is hot
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
