Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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