Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
