can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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