hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
