You just made me feel so damn special
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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