Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
