I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
