Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
