two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
