My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
