trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
