I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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