i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
