I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dick very happy bro
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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