We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
