Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
