there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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