No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
