His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
