i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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