No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
