I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Randomize
