i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
