I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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