talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
