I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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