DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
