Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
