need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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