Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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