Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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