Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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