her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
