I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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