if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
