He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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