the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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