I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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