I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This baby is an asshole
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
