Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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