dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
