he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
