Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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