I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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