so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
