one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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