I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
