Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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