I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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