My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
