Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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