I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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