you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
