sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
