So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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