Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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