i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
