Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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