There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
