Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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