the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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