my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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