Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
