the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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