she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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