When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
