i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
