Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
