i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
