Moan for me like Helen Keller
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
