so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
