I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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