you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
