is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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