i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
