Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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