I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
