Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
