I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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