Your face is a jimmy john
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
