And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
