I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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